CHICAGO (SNARKY) – A Chicago man made a startling confession today admitting to having a secret companion for the last decade, unbeknownst to his girlfriends during that time.
Luke Penca, 30, disclosed that the union began almost 12 years ago and has continued uninterrupted, though at varying levels of intensity, since then.
"Since college, she's been there every step of the way for me," said Penca. "She's been wonderful in every regard, done everything I've asked and given 125 percent of herself to me."
Penca's paramour also wears her heart on her sleeve, a trait past girlfriends often lacked.
"She doesn’t hold anything back, I can see right through her," said Penca. "That's important because I tend to shun people who are evasive and opaque."
But the relationship is not without its drawbacks.
"She can be a little too clingy sometimes and, perhaps, she's a little sharp around the edges," said Penca. "I recognize that I've got to handle her with care or else I'm going to get hurt."
So just who is this object of Penca's affection, a woman? Guess again.
A roll of Glad "Cling Wrap" that was purchased in 1994 just before Penca went to Cedar Falls for college. And while the box has seen better days, there's still plenty polyethylene left on the tube in his cupboard.
"There was 250 feet on that roll to begin with and it's been with me 12 years. If only I wouldn't have gotten that extra 25 percent for free," said Penca. "We've been together so long-- I believe that it's eight different addresses in two states. So I've got to learn to cook at home more because this thing really does know me better than any past girlfriend!"
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Technorati: Valentine's Day, Truth, Nuance, Lukateake
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