'Da Vinci Code' Eclipses Bible's Readership

CHICAGO (SNARKY) -- In a stunning upset for Christianity's good book, "The Da Vinci Code" has supplanted the Holy Bible as the world's most widely read book.

"Jesus, who hasn't read a copy by now?" asked Dan Brown, the book's author, before answering his own question: "Other than Jesus H. Christ himself, he's the only one that comes to mind."

The Holy Bible has reigned supreme atop annual readership lists since literally the Dark Ages. However, it has failed to keep pace with modern secular readers who wanted suspense and intrigue instead of a book many feel has become too preachy.

"In many respects, 'Code' has become a modern religion unto itself," said Luke Penca, a religious historian. "People so fervently believe in this book's twists, turns and pseudo-history that they've suspended all rational thought."

In full disclosure, Penca proudly claims that he has not read the book because he will not cower to the whims of others. Nevertheless, the book is seemingly contagious elsewhere.

"'The Da Vinci Code' is downright viral and it spreads through your social network like a goddamn communicable disease," said Kevin K., a Chicago banker. "My wife got me hooked on it and now I'll probably have to read 'Angels and Demons'," referring to Brown's prequel.

Even Gideon International has taken notice of the shift and begun replacing the millions of their Bibles in hotel rooms with soft cover versions of Brown's book in the hopes of broadening their appeal to today's reader.

A representative for the Nashville-based sect could not be contacted because of their secretive nature and deliberately vague website.

Additionally, further erosion of the Bible's marketshare is expected later this year when a "Code" film adaptation is released. Meanwhile, Christ hasn't had a successful English-language movie since "Jesus Christ Superstar" in the 1970s and that was based on the acclaimed Broadway musical of the same name.

Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" is not eligible for consideration because it was subtitled from Aramaic and Hebrew. That decision may have hindered the film's $1 gazillion worldwide gross.

However, skeptics challenge the staying power of "The Da Vinci Code". Will the Holy Bible will return to the top position in next year's list? It's doubtful as the early buzz is on a series of books about a young wizard from Hogwarts.

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