CHICAGO (SNARKY) -- Can the news media pick something else to yammer away on, please? I am tired of reading about high oil prices and the under funded social security system.
There are more important issues being left off the broadsheets because these two issues dominate the headlines. What's really galling to me is that these two items can be solved rather easily anyway.
Oil: I keep reading about how a litany of factors from "peak oil" to political insecurity and terrorism has driven up the price of a barrel of oil with little hope of a price correction ever again. A simple way to solve this is to give every American an S.U.V. and mandate that they drive 400 miles per week. That would be about a barrel per person per week.
Under that plan, we'll run out of oil so quickly that we can leave the Middle East in less than a generation, which is nice because they don't want us there in the first place. And, being the Americans we are, we'll adapt because we always have before. I'm holding out for that hover car George Jetson promised some forty years ago.
Social Security: If I read about one more Baby Boomer retiring and the burden he'll place on the already taxed system, I'm going to wring some editor's neck. Jesus, is this really news to anyone anymore?
We've been reading about it for decades now and there's a simple solution to this pseudo-problem! Have some damn children already and ensure the next generation of workers to pay for your retirement. Under my intellectually-sound plan, you'll already own a vehicle large enough to transport around the dozen little scamps it will take to fund your retirement.
Incidentally, Catholicism would be a nice start here because of its anachronistic approach birth control but that wacky religion is a story for another day.
So these two problems can be solved using my radical platform of common sense. Now can we get back to something really important like the Oscars, Hollywood's navel-gazing love fest it throws for itself every year?
What, I missed the show already? I didn't see an Oscar story anywhere because of the aforementioned reasons. Damn you, Chicago Tribune!
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Technorati: Oil, Social Security, Media, Rant, Lukateake
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2 comments:
I agree we need more variety in our media
But you should have watched the Oscars. Hollywood has the solution to your problem: Botox to stay young and work forever, and hybrid cars to stop the oil dependency.
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