Friend Rues Decision to Forgo Cubs Tix

CHICAGO (SNARKY) -- In a surprise move this off-season, avid Cubs fan Zoom B. decided to let his season tickets lapse. Even before the first pitch of the season, his decision has already bit him in the ass.

"I just got an email from my boss at work asking for tickets," said a dejected B. "Coming through with them would have been huge for my career."

Undoubtedly, the Chicago man's choice was not taken lightly. The cost overruns on his perennial home renovation and with his first child due later this year, B. had to make the difficult decision to bypass the season.

"Frankly, I was shocked," said Luke Penca who previously shared tickets with B. "While I may understand his life situation, c'mon, we're talking about the [expletive] Cubs."

B. will miss out on a season of games with his buddies as well as the intangible effects of gifting tickets to his colleagues and friends. But the greatest indignity will come when the Cubs make the playoffs and he's forced to pay market rates, thus, off-setting any financial aspects of his frugality.

Furthermore, B. has lost his rights to subsequent years as his roster spot was filled by a recently repatriated Chicagoan and fervent Cubs fan. John H., who only recently returned from San Francisco, is expected to regain his midseason drinking form by the end of April.

"I immediately jumped at the chance to drink on a Tuesday afternoon," slurred an incoherent H. sitting in Lincoln Town Gyros at 3:00 in the morning. "Gonna eat those cheese fries, man?"

H. has been on a strict alcohol imbibing regimen during spring training to ready himself for the 81-game season afforded by the tickets. Indeed, it will mark something of a homecoming for H. as his first liver was enlarged at the friendly confines some years ago.

Meanwhile, B. will be at home watching the games on his brand new plasma television that cost more than his portion of the season tickets would have in the first place.

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