CHICAGO (SNARKY) -- In a freak quintuple blade accident, a Chicago beard's life was cut short, figuratively and literally.
Luke Penca, 30, was trimming the underside of his beard when he lost control of the unwieldy five-bladed Fusion razor, manufactured by Gillette. The tragic slip caused massive hair disfigurement claiming the brief but promising beard's life.
"It's this fucking Fusion, the damn thing is 'ginormous'. I'm lucky I didn't lose an eyebrow," said a tearful Penca. "Why, oh why, are there so many blades? It's too much."
Penca tried valiantly to save the beard entertaining several different looks including mutton chops and a goatee but in the end was unable to resuscitate it. Through Herculean efforts though he was able to amputate the beard to produce a fledgling moustache that is barely clinging to life.
"It's too blonde, it doesn't show up in daylight," said Penca. "I might have to surreptitiously buy some Grecian Formula to help see it through these early days."
A memorial service for the beard is planned.
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Technorati: Chicago, Beard, Razor, Satire, Lukateake
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