Goodbye Liver

CHICAGO (SNARKY) -- Sure, we had a good run but frankly I expected more than 30.99 years out of you, enlarged Little Fella.

I'm going to need someone to get me through another grueling college football season and I just don't think you're up to par anymore. Especially since the NCAA added a twelfth game this year. While that may not seem like a lot, that nine percent increase and a possible January bowl game will tax you too much I'm afraid.

Plus, there are better floor models out there in the marketplace, Liver. What with Pledge Week already underway there's bound to be a bevy of supple, young organs with half the mileage you've got.

So say goodbye to your friends in the lymphatic system because I'm breaking out the whiskey and acetaminophen shortly. And keep your chin up, too. At least you're going down with a fight so I can spare you the indignity of cirrhosis, replete with its slow erosion and yellowing.

As I see it, I'm doing you a solid.

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