No Free Lunch (You Have to Blog About It)

CHICAGO (SNARKY) -- I'd charge my own mother on the tollway. Assuming that I, you know, actually worked for the Illinois Tollway Authority, which I don't, thank you very much open-road tolling and Governor Blagojevich. (Yes, I had to google his name to spell it properly.) What does this have to do free lunches? Nothing really, I just lacked a good opening paragraph.

"Free lunches" in the economic sense of the idiom mean that there is always an opportunity cost to doing something. You could be doing something else instead of dining on that dried out brisket sandwich and laughing at your boss's lame jokes, which is about the only time I ever get a free lunch anymore.

(Jesus, I just got fired. Phil, I like your jokes actually, I was just trying to be funny. Brisket is a lot funnier than sushi so you know that I was going for funny in the preceding paragraph. Damn it! Now I've cut both paragraphs off at the knees. No wait, it's funnier if I say that they've been castrated or rendered otherwise impotent. Fuck, this third paragraph is dying on the vine; time to cut losses.)

But most people don't see "free lunches" in the economic sense; probably because they're not Adam Smith. No, to many a "free lunch" is a consternation producing predicament that implies that there are strings attached to the gift. I want the brisket sandwich but I don't want the ass-kissing, ego-stroking charade.

Well, I'm guilty of employing the free lunch maneuver. I'm offering my nephews three-day passes to Lollapalooza on one condition: they blog here about their experiences. Underhanded, no? No.

I'm doing it for a couple of reasons really. One, because there really aren't any free lunches in the world and they should learn that early in life. But less harsh, I want them to understand the value of work. Life isn't all rock concerts and baseball games. It's not always grilled steak and chocolate-covered strawberries. Hard work makes the trappings of the good life available to those who provide something in return.

Moreover, I think it will be interesting for the Lukateake readership to see the world through someone else's eyes. I'm not maniacal enough to believe that I'm above reproach and have to be the only voice here. Plus, these kids have talent and we should nurture that by thrusting them into the churning waters of a fervent audience. So be frank with them as I will be.

There is no partial credit in life; not everyone takes home a blue ribbon at the end of the day. I'll be helping my nephews to develop their own voices in the coming days and learning to respond to accolades and critiques is one of the finest arts that no one teaches.

Without further delay (and paragraph wasting), I present Aaron and Kameron C., guest posters to Lukateake who will be bringing their take on Lollapalooza (and life!) in a way that only they can.

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P.S. The last reason that I'm doing this is a selfish reason actually. By having "guest posters" on Lukateake, it means that my voice can take the back row in the choir for a few days. Or get drunk with impunity.