ABC, CBS, NBC, ADHDtv.

CHICAGO (SNARKY) -- Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder television -- where every episode is only five minutes in length. That's enough time to tell the story, but not too long as to abuse the audience's short attention span.

Because who really has time to devote a half-hour to some contrived situation comedy let alone an hour to a pseudo-reality contestant show? Let's keep it to 300 seconds people as that's all that we're really interested in.

We're talking cold openings, dropping the viewer right into the action without all the elaborate exposition. Add to that quick, escalating dialog that pulses with the 180-beats per minute score.

And don't wait a week to deliver an episode either, instead make one available every three days. Plus, put it on the Internet so my Tivo can download it and I can watch it whenever I want.

My first idea for a series on ADHDtv: two teenage characters named Ritalen[sic] and Adderhal[sic] struggle to find themselves in Albuquerque, New Mexico. The only problem is that they're in Hell but they don't know it.

Hollywood, I'm available now.

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