CHICAGO (AP) -- Heralding a sea change in American jurisprudence, a domesticated pet has successfully petitioned to be emancipated from its owner.
"Zoe", a prepubescent Siamese cat and catnip aficionado, has cited "irreconcilable differences" between her and her owner, Andrew.
"I mean, I know I'm like a Siamese and all, but it's unnatural to be so connected at the hip," purred Zoe. "Come on, we're not [expletive] Cheng and Eng!" she said, referring to famous performing conjoined twin brothers of the early 20th century.
Zoe asked that her owner develop his own interests on the weekends to which Andrew curtly replied, "My friends are bastards."
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Technorati: Satire, Humor, Funny, Chicago, Snarky, Lukateake
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