4th Wheel Foils Ménage à Trois

CHICAGO (SNARKY) -- Three's company and four's a crowd. That was the situation my three buddies found themselves in at some woman's condo late one night recently.

The foursome was drinking and partying at her place after 3:00 AM, the low ebb of the soul, when the topic turned to sex.

"The next thing I knew, she was doing the splits on her kitchen floor," said Ve B. "I said to myself, 'oh yeah, it's on.'"

A knowing nod to his compatriot later and visions of threesomes filled my two buddies' heads. But there was just one problem: Roland S. sitting on the couch in the living room thumbing through the woman's music catalog and slow-sipping his beer.

S. is known for his world-class tenacity and determination. He's one who takes the "last man standing" approach to hooking up; therefore, his plan was to wait the other two out. However, he was unaware of the potential triad in the other room.

How could the two get S. to leave without making it seem obvious? And how could S. get the other two to leave while staying behind?

"We tried a little reverse psychology on him but it didn't work," said Chris T. "So we tried to lure him to a late night bar, expecting to double back on him to the condo. But, God damn it, that son-of-a-bitch just sat there stoically."

In the end, neither party succeeded because no one was willing to surrender his position -- positions that get all the more interesting with an extra pair of arms and legs.

A circumspect and presumably circumcised S. offered his final word on the subject, "Let's be clear: this was a MMF that we're talking about here. It's not like it was a milk-and-honey FFM that we've all fantasized about. Frankly, it's a little unsettling to reflect upon."

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